Do you always put everyone else above you? Do you feel upset or dissatisfied with yourself when someone is not happy with you? Do you feel the constant need to please everyone?

If you answered yes to those questions or vigorously nodded your head as you read through this, you might have a people pleasing problem.

People pleasers are not hard to spot – they are usually the ones trying to make sure that everybody gets what they want and they would go to any length to make it happen. They are the ones who cannot say NO, often have trouble keeping commitments and find themselves in situations just because they could not be assertive enough to say a NO!

The problem is when they please others by constantly putting themselves through discomfort and stress. Here are some ways in which to fix this!

1. Remember it is your choice

People who like to constantly please other people often forget that they have a choice – they feel helpless when they are in a situation where the choice is between putting themselves through discomfort or saying no to someone. Remember that you have a choice because that is the first step towards exercising it!

 

2. Set your priorities

Do you find yourself accommodating requests or telling people you will do something for them through the week? Make it a habit to sit at the beginning of every week to write down your priorities. This way, you will be forced to revisit your priorities for the week before accepting any new commitments!

 

3. Don’t give excuses

If you are a people pleaser, odds are that you would feel compelled to give a list of excuses every time you can’t do something for someone. Avoid doing this because you might get flustered – remember you can always say no without having to back it up with excuses! This assertiveness will help you break the habit of being a people pleaser.

 

4. Take Small Steps

If you are a compulsive people pleaser, it is not easy to get this habit out in a short time. Make sure you do not get disappointed when you fail the first few times – keep trying persistently until you get it right!

 

5. Don’t be scared of the consequences

Ask any people pleaser what they are scared of the most and the first they will tell you is that they don’t want to offend anyone. Don’t focus too much on the consequences and remember that the ones who care will understand as you try and make changes to your behaviour!

 

6. Think about the other things you can do

As a motivating factor – think about all the other things you could do if you stopped doing everything that came your way just to please people; this would help you be more assertive.

 

Reference:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/21-tips-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser/